Showing posts from December, 2017

The Upward Spiral

I’m not sure what to feel about new year. I just hope I would be able to do something. Continue to experience & explore new things & places. I can’t stand monotonous life. It’s just not for me. It makes me feel awkward mentally.  For me life is kinda stop when I stop exploring. I’m still exploring in a way but in a different way. More like exploring knowledge & myself through books & countless articles. Getting more knowledge of any kinds give me sort of satisfaction. I never really realize that knowledge is really that powerful. Previously all I know is that, u need knowledge to pass the exam & that’s it. Talk about Malaysian education system failure at its finest.

Anyway as I wrote in my previous blog entries, I had mention that I’m still trying to figure out a way to prevent depression recurrent. I can’t say that I found it yet but I think I sort of found some ways to deal with it. I read this book called “The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Cou…

OCD and I

I’d been suffering from OCD since I was a child. I never went to the doctor but I knew that I have it.

Having OCD is very tiring. Kinda.
I always have this repetitive thought & do sort of repetitive action. I don’t think anyone realize it except myself.
When I was younger, my repetitive action mostly by aligning object to have a straight line or in a “correct position”. If I didn’t do it, something bad is going to happen like someone will kill me or I will have an accident etc. That is what my brain told me. It was quite bad when I was younger.

Another repetitive action that I do even until now is in term of washing or cleaning or brushing my teeth. I always have these thoughts that if I didn’t clean properly something bad going to happen or the chemical will give me cancer. It’s that bad. It makes me laugh but it’s almost like an automatic action.
My OCD-ish actions also includes counting objects in certain numbers like 3,5,7 or 8.
For example if I want to eat crackers, I will ma…

Depression in silence

#Disclaimer: I am already free from depression. This post is regarding my reflection on how I feel and what was my thoughts during my depression episode last year and years before that

Yesterday Jonghyun from Shinee had died due to depression. He committed suicide.
I was a fan of Shinee many years ago when I was so into all this kpop stuff. But at my age now, kpop is not relevant to me anymore. I'm more into soul RnB and classical music now.
Back to Jonghyun. I was shocked when I read the news about him passing. I thought it was just a hoax. I was wrong. He was really gone. A few of celebrities had committed suicide but i never feel sad except for Jonghyun. I have to admit a few little tears came out. Perhaps because I used to be their fan when I was so crazy about Kpop. They were my favorite band beside Infinite at that time. And because I know how depression feels like. But not to the point that I want to commit suicide though. I'm glad it didn't reach to that point. It …