OCD and I

I’d been suffering from OCD since I was a child. I never went to the doctor but I knew that I have it.

Having OCD is very tiring. Kinda.
I always have this repetitive thought & do sort of repetitive action. I don’t think anyone realize it except myself.
When I was younger, my repetitive action mostly by aligning object to have a straight line or in a “correct position”. If I didn’t do it, something bad is going to happen like someone will kill me or I will have an accident etc. That is what my brain told me. It was quite bad when I was younger.

Another repetitive action that I do even until now is in term of washing or cleaning or brushing my teeth. I always have these thoughts that if I didn’t clean properly something bad going to happen or the chemical will give me cancer. It’s that bad. It makes me laugh but it’s almost like an automatic action.
My OCD-ish actions also includes counting objects in certain numbers like 3,5,7 or 8.
For example if I want to eat crackers, I will make sure that I eat 3 or 5 pieces. But this action is not oftenly done.

Of course I have no idea what had caused my OCD. I did have few episode of head injury & a major one was where the doc put few stitches on my forehead. But it’s poasible that it is genetic related too.

Nowadays my mind didn’t become OCD-ish that much. But there where times when something I’m not sure of will trigger my OCD thought for many times a day. My OCD still persist everyday though but only when I’m washing or cleaning things or myself. I’m ok with that.