The Upward Spiral

I’m not sure what to feel about new year. I just hope I would be able to do something. Continue to experience & explore new things & places. I can’t stand monotonous life. It’s just not for me. It makes me feel awkward mentally.  For me life is kinda stop when I stop exploring. I’m still exploring in a way but in a different way. More like exploring knowledge & myself through books & countless articles. Getting more knowledge of any kinds give me sort of satisfaction. I never really realize that knowledge is really that powerful. Previously all I know is that, u need knowledge to pass the exam & that’s it. Talk about Malaysian education system failure at its finest.

Anyway as I wrote in my previous blog entries, I had mention that I’m still trying to figure out a way to prevent depression recurrent. I can’t say that I found it yet but I think I sort of found some ways to deal with it. I read this book called “The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time” by Alex Korb. I’m still half way through the book bcos I still can’t get rid of my procrastination habit lol. But I guess it’s a good thing that I can try his methods slowly. His methods seems simple & u Can actually figure it
Out by using your common sense but this book also actually explain how did your brain works which actually makes u realize that it’s all in your brain & mind. One of his method that I’m still training my mind to do is ‘is to forget’. 

When people being rude to me or annoyed me, their misbehaviors or wrongdoing will stay in my mind for a long time. According to Dr Korb, normal people will forget about it easily but for people who are depressed it will stay longer. I’m not depressed now but it’s still stay longer in my brain bcos it’s how my brain works which is somewhat not like normal people. U see, I never realized about it. I have no idea how normal people mind & brain works. But I always amazed that people or should I say ‘normal’ people will be able to function normally after some people annoyed them & they are even be able to be positive than ever. I’m highly impressed with these people . Nowadays, when I think about those normal people that I know that have this ‘gifted’ ability, I always tell myself that I wanna be like them. Before this I always wanna be myself, screw other people & they can go fuck themselves those sort of things. But I think it’s more helpful to actually make some people as my role model. I will still be myself bcos I love my unique self but I will take positive side of other people to be a better version of myself. 

There are a few incidents that  makes me feel highly annoyed last week. In one of those incidents, I felt stressed out & it ruin my mood instantly. I stay that way for like an hour. Then I went to the washroom, look at the mirror & tell myself to take a deep breathe ( it was mention in that book. I know it’s a very simple thing & guess what ? It works)& I told myself it’s all in My head & please don’t ruin my own day. After that I feel normal again & start talking with people & sharing stories with them & I glad I did. Imagine if I become my usual stressed out self, I’ll be that way & be in my own depressed world for a long time which didn’t bring anything good for me. This method works for me. Although in some cases like if people being rude to me, it’s not really that effective but  I think I manage to reduce the effect of their rudeness to a certain  level. I told myself I can’t let those rude people win. They can’t ruin my day. I should let myself win & forget about their wrongdoings & make my own day great. 

You see, it’s  a struggle for me to have a normal way of thinking. But I will train my mind to have an upward spiral.

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